Random Musings of a Geek

Geeky words of wisdom and famous rhymes, sayings and lyrics – altered!

Archive for the ‘Famous verses’ Category

Remember, remember, Cup Day in November!

leave a comment »

Today is Melbourne Cup Day AND Guy Fawkes Day/Night. Not very often do these dates intertwine, so in commemoration of these dates coinciding:

 
Remember, remember!
Cup Day in November
In Flemington the horses all trot
You will be a grinner
If you’ve picked a winner
Champagne you’ll drink a lot!

Advertisements

Written by ianinozzie

05/11/2013 at 11:13

Posted in Famous verses, Seasonal

Twas the night before Christmas

leave a comment »

With it being Christmas Eve today, I thought I’d tweak Clement Clarke Moore’s famous poem “Twas the night before Christmas”.

 

Twas the night before Christmas (with profuse apologies to Clement Clarke Moore)

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Twas a good time to try to get randy with the spouse

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care

And flung far away were our underwear

 

The children were nestled all snug in their beds

So naughty thoughts popped into Pop’s and Mom’s heads

And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap

We started unwrapping each other like a gift wrap

 

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter

The distraction was huge; dirty thoughts were now shattered

Away to the window I flew like a flash

But not before giving mamma a big pash

 

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

Nothing I could see, so I turned to go

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear

A hobo in a sleigh pulled by eight reindeer!

 

With a little old driver, so lively and quick

From his bottle of whiskey he took a long swig

More rapid than eagles his courses they came

The drunk then started yelling out random names!

 

“Now Dasher! Now Dancer! Now Prancer and Vixen!

I voted Republican, and for Richard Nixon!

To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!

Hurry up before I lose my footing and fall!”

 

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly

The old fool was drunk, but boy was he spry

So up to the house-top the coursers they flew

Flying reindeer? I saw with mine own eyes – who knew?

 

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The stomping of paws and this was surely proof

As I drew in my head, and was turning around

The front door swung open and the drunk came in with a bound

 

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot

The stench of whiskey from his clothes was quite acute

A bundle of toys he had flung on his back

As he looked around the house for a snack

 

His eyes – how they twinkled! His dimples – how merry!

But a burglar he looked like and boy, that was scary

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow

He moved around the house like a pro

 

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth

A glint of a knife I saw tucked in its sheath

He had a broad face and a little round belly

He let rip a fart that was really quite smelly

 

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf

He started picking up stuff we had on the shelf

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head

This man had noticed me! My heart filled with dread

 

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work

Quickly filling his sack with an evil smirk

And laying his finger aside of his nose

The silent threat towards me, in my tracks I froze

 

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle

The hairs on the back of my neck still bristled

But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight

“One down, more places for me to rob tonight!”

 

Epilogue (new stanzas to the poem):

The police came round not long after the break-in

We had to report what was stolen and taken

But when I talked of flying reindeer, they thought I was drunk

And seeing things; my tale they tried to debunk

 

“Flying reindeer? What nonsense,” a policeman said with a sneer

As he gave my half-undressed wife a sly leer

“Have you taken any illicit mind-altering drugs?

You were obviously going to shag on the rug.”

 

“We’ll let you get back to your business with the wife.

Burglaries at this time of the year are rife.”

As they left they helped themselves to some eggnog

“Have a Merry Christmas and lay off the grog!”

Written by ianinozzie

24/12/2011 at 10:19

Posted in Famous verses, Seasonal

The meek shall inherit the earth…

with one comment

Ancient Chinese proverb:

The meek shall inherit the earth, but the bullies will forcibly take it back.

Written by ianinozzie

09/12/2011 at 06:37

Tyger, Tyger, burning bright

leave a comment »

The Tyger (with profuse apologies to William Blake)

Tyger, Tyger, burning bright

Who went and set you alight?

What immortal hand or eye

Could be so cruel to make you cry?

 

In what distant deeps or skies

Could live a person so unwise

On what wings dare he aspire?

To set you, Tyger, on fire?

 

And what shoulder, and what art

Was he trying to eat your heart?

And when thy heart began to beat

He tried instead to eat your meat

 

What the hammer? What the chain?

Your massive frame he doth restrain

What the anvil? What dread grasp?

The chains together firmly clasped

 

When the stars threw down their spears

In your eyes did he see fear?

Did he smile his work to see?

Did he cackle and laugh with glee?

 

Tyger, Tyger, burning bright

No one can save you from your plight

What immortal hand or eye

Made you say your last goodbye?

Written by ianinozzie

10/11/2011 at 10:50

Posted in Famous verses

The Lard-o’s Foodfair

with one comment

The Lard-o’s Foodfair

Dear fatty, whose weight is leaden

Heavy be thy frame

Thy greed succumbs

Thy buckle undone, as your girth reaches size 57

Give him all of your daily bread

So he can join other fat-asses

As he becomes massive; a lardass of fatness

Feed him other people’s rations

And quiver at his next upheaval

Ah-yum!

Written by ianinozzie

04/11/2011 at 07:34

Posted in Famous verses